I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
