i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
