you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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