i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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