I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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