I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
