Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
