i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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