What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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