We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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