....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
do nipples grow back?
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