Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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