i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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