who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
