I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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