CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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