i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
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im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
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All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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