theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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