you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
