so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
