Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
50% drunk capacity currently
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
