guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
