SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
