Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
