Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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