went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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