the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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