I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize