I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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