last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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