Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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