Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We were destined to go to rehab together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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