talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
