I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
