Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
