is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
My cat gives me a boner
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
