The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
