I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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