Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
His hands were made for my vagina.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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