I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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