She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
