My liver just broke up with me...
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
