I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
