New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
