So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
