would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
