yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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