i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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