He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
