He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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