i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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