six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
