umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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