She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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