omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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