I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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