you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize