Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
