I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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