be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
