She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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