She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
