I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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