I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
