there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
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Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
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Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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