Texts From Last Night

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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.

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  (603): No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class. http://tfl.nu/tnda
  Replies (28) Good night (4300) Bad night (888)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.

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  (201): It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers. http://tfl.nu/1fi2
  Replies (18) Good night (5162) Bad night (1289)
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  (914): View more from New York

  This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.

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  (914): This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive. http://tfl.nu/c66s
  Replies (11) Good night (1190) Bad night (4110)
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  (530): View more from California

  So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.

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  (530): So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention. http://tfl.nu/8fhv
  Replies (11) Good night (1170) Bad night (4132)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.

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  (770): She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40. http://tfl.nu/qfdq
  Replies (7) Good night (2507) Bad night (928)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.

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  (352): I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas. http://tfl.nu/mxts
  Replies (16) Good night (2726) Bad night (1109)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back

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  (912): Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back http://tfl.nu/294t
  Replies (7) Good night (2897) Bad night (934)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird

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  (908): She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird http://tfl.nu/j88i
  Replies (3) Good night (1967) Bad night (792)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.

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  (440): no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er. http://tfl.nu/c5u6
  Replies (4) Good night (984) Bad night (676)
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please

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  (831): if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please http://tfl.nu/sfv9
  Replies (11) Good night (1493) Bad night (687)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs

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  (816): Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs http://tfl.nu/jmh5
  Replies (1) Good night (409) Bad night (778)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...

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  (413): Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs... http://tfl.nu/m2io
  Replies (11) Good night (1402) Bad night (514)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay

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  (302): I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay http://tfl.nu/8522
  Replies (5) Good night (488) Bad night (846)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?

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  (313): I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life? http://tfl.nu/hyy5
  Replies (14) Good night (442) Bad night (664)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.

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  (860): And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping. http://tfl.nu/jid6
  Replies (2) Good night (567) Bad night (565)

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