sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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