you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
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I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
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I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!