dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
