Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Randomize
