if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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